if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
