I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
