Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
