I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize