yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
