I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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