Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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