I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
