onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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