does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
