I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Found the puke drawer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
