we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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