I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
