i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
