I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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