Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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