I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
