did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
