Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
ttyl tear gas
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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