I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
