Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
