My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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