her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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