And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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