I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
