when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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