do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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