And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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