Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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