I wish my penis had an off switch
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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