im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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