he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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