nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
