I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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