We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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