I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Damn victory sex feels great
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
