shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
