When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize