I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
