Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
