why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
