man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
