Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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