I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
