I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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