Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
