This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
