Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize