btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
