Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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