Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
