I am full of burrito and curiosity
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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