Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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