did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
