Please, let me fuck your mom
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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