Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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