I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize