he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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