Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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