I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
