I am in a vortex of obligation.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
