What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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