You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
