...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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