i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
