The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are the jesus of drinking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
