we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
