Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
