Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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