quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
