My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
