I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
