We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
