first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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