Quick, to the slutcave!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
