remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
