just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
