The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize