Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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