I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
