Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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