so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
