Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
