loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
a search helicopter?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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