So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
