the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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