what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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