he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
