Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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