ugly people sure do ruin things
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize