I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
