Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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