M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
