I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
