Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize