By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
