Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize