she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
