Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
