I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
