My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how can u be prego again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
two words...techno handjob
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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