ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
