I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
