During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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