So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
