So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
