i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
