so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
