We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
