We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
