Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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