just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
