I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize