Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
