So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
