Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
