Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
